dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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