I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
