My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
