I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
