I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
