this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
