How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
