she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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