Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
