please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
