News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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