Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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