My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
