my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
