Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
