My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
