I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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