You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
