Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
