What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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