I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
