1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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