Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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