there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
organizing the empties. That sober.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
