tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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