i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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