youre lurking in front of me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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