Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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