Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
