My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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