He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
