It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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