Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
