This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
