All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
no you cant smoke seaweed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
