we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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