Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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