I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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