I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
