I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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