Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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