The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
