Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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