The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
time to smoke my breakfast
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
