Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Panties = found
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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