Sry I called you an 8
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
