dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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