he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
