She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
