So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
