I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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