I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
