dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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