I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You can't just leave with hair like that
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
