Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
