Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
